Broken Bones and Shattered Souls
by y-nikiforovv
Summary: When a volleyball player shatters their forearm, usually it means losing the ability to play volleyball for a while. When this happens to Kageyama Tobio at the nationals of his third year due to a collision with Hinata while blocking, he's devastated, but not by his shattered forearm. He's destroyed because after the match, Hinata leaves Miyagi, with no clue as to where he's gone.


They were playing at the stadium in Tokyo for the third time. This was their last year to have the chance to win Nationals again. It was the first (and final) official "Battle of the Trash Heap" for Hinata and Kageyama.

One of the Nekoma second-years received Yamaguchi's serve, and it went to the setter. Hinata watched as the setter set the ball, and began running towards Kageyama to help with the block.

He realized an instant too late that he had mistimed the jump, and pushed off the ground too hard. Before he knew it he was crashing into Kageyama, and there was a sickening crunch as they hit the ground.

He quickly pushed himself off of Kageyama, praying that he hadn't done anything horrible, but he knew in the back of his mind that Kageyama wasn't okay.

Nobody outside of Kageyama mattered at the moment, he didn't care about the team rushing to their side, he didn't care about them yelling his name. Hinata didn't care about Nekoma's horrified stares, or the silence coming from the stands.

All that mattered was Kageyama's still body. His still, unmoving body, laying on his side on his shoulder.

Hinata knelt next to him, barely breathing. Finally, Kageyama's back rose and fell slightly as he took a breath. Hinata watched as he pushed himself up with the arm that he didn't land on, "I-I'm fine, I'm okay. I t-think."

Kageyama's voice was shaking uncontrollably, and for once, he sounded weak. That wasn't right. Hinata couldn't bring himself to say a word. He had done this, he had made Kageyama weak.

Hinata watched as he seemed to be attempting to move his right arm, and as Kageyama stared at it in horror when it wouldn't move.

"O-okay maybe I-I'm a little n-not okay," tears were starting to form in Kageyama's eyes as he stared at his arm, "I'm not o-okay, I'm not okay, o-oh God."

Hinata couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks as Ukai ran onto the court to Kageyama.

"Can you stand?" Ukai knelt down next to Kageyama, holding out a hand to him.

"I-I'm not sure," Kageyama took Ukai's hand gingerly and attempted to get to his feet, but fell into his coach moments later, "S-sorry."

Without hesitation, Ukai picked Kageyama up off the ground, "It's okay, just make sure you keep your eyes open, okay?"

Hinata stood up and followed Ukai as he carried Kageyama off the court, but to his dismay Kageyama turned to him as he wrapped his good arm around Ukai's shoulders, "S-shoyo, stay b-back a-and hold the t-team together for m-me, 'kay?"

Defeated, Hinata stood at the edge of the court, just inside of it by less than a footstep. Suddenly, he felt trapped in the space that had always made him feel happy. Now he was confined to it, and he wanted out. He wanted to be outside of the white lines that commanded the game. He never wanted to touch another volleyball, he wanted to be rid of what caused him to hurt the person he cared about most in the world.

To his relief Takeda called him off the court, and Hinata was replaced with one of the second years. He sat on the bench with his elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his crosse arms. His back hurt from the hunched over position, but he couldn't make himself stop crying.

When the match ended, he took a bus home, and planned to start his new life as soon as possible. Hinata knew he couldn't make himself face Kageyama ever again after what he did.

When Kageyama woke up in a hospital bed, he was instantly confused as to where he was. Then he remembered. Hinata crashing into him, falling onto the ground, and the horrible pain in his shattered forearm.

He looked to his side, looking for Hinata, who he had expected to be there, waiting for him to wake up. But he wasn't there. There was an empty chair sitting next to the bed, nothing else. Maybe Hinata was there, and he just had to go to the bathroom or something. Or maybe less time than he thought had passed and they were still in the match.

So Kageyama waited. He pushed himself up with his good arm, the one not laying across his chest in a sling and a splint, since the doctor couldn't do much without parental permission. He sat against the pillows that wouldn't stop going flat so he would have to turn around and try to fix them with his good arm, the uncomfortable mattress of the hospital bed, and the slightly scratchy blanket. But still Hinata didn't come.

Kageyama sat there, trapped in the bland room with bland walls and bland furniture, waiting for him.

As the minutes ticked on by, Kageyama's hopes fell lower and lower. He absentmindedly picked at the tape that was wrapped around one of the fingers on his good hand. He had hurt it while blocking early in the match, but now that seemed like nothing compared to the pain in his arm that only went away completely with painkillers so strong he fell asleep almost instantly.

Ten minutes passed, and just as Kageyama felt tears drip down his face for the second time that day, Ukai pushed the door to the bland room open, "Hey, the doctors said we're free to leave now."

Kageyama willed the tears to stop and nodded as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, letting them dangle there for a moment, "O-okay."

His voice still shook uncontrollably, and he hated it. He gently pushed himself off the bed and onto his feet, stumbling as he landed. Ukai quickly moved forward to help steady him, but Kageyama did it himself before he needed to help.

Still, his coach worried, and rested a hand on Kageyama's upper arm gently as he slipped his shoes onto his feet.

As he walked out of the room next to his coach, Kageyama's knees wouldn't stop shaking. He hated that more than the fact that his voice was still shaky. He couldn't even control his own damn body.

His knees shook as Ukai talked to the receptionist at the front desk, and all the way out to the parking lot where Ukai's car was.

Kageyama watched tiredly as the sun began to sink below the horizon outside the car window, painting the sky a brilliant orange color. They were almost back to Miyagi after almost four hours in the car, and Kageyama's arm was beginning to ache more and more as the painkillers wore off.

Just twenty more minutes and Kageyama would finally be able to tell Hinata what he had been planning to tell him after the match. He just needed to figure out how to say it. He would definitely need to word it a lot differently after what happened that day. Ukai had said that the team was going to be waiting for them at Karasuno to see how Kageyama was, along with Kageyama's parents so they could take him home.

Kageyama was grateful that the team was going to be there, but the only person he really wanted to see was Hinata.

Before he knew it, they were pulling into parking lot of the highschool, and sure enough, the whole team was gathered in a small cluster.

He stepped out of the car, and was first greeted by a short energetic person who he hadn't seen in a long while. He almost thought it was Hinata for a second, but quickly recognized the person before him as Nishinoya, and his heart dropped. He was surprised that he had come all the way from where his university was, two hours away. He wondered if Asashi had come too.

"Hey Kageyama-kun!" Nishinoya's loud voice startled Kageyama, "How's the arm?"

Kageyama shrunk back slightly and responded, "Well it hurts a fuck-ton but other than that it's pretty okay. Where's Shoyo? I've gotta talk to him about something important."

Nishinoya was about to respond, but Yamaguchi put a hand on his shoulder and spoke before Nishinoya had the chance, "I'm sorry, but no one knows where Hinata-kun went. He left after the match saying he had his own ride home… He's probably okay though, don't worry."

Kageyama felt his heart drop through his stomach. He prayed that Yamaguchi was right and that Hinata was okay. He hoped he was just tired and wanted to be alone.

He quickly scanned the group for his parents, and made eye contact with them before looking more in the general direction of everybody, "Thanks for coming to see me, especially you guys who don't live here anymore, but I'm really tired and I wanna go home and sleep."

Yamaguchi nodded understandingly, "That's okay, get some rest."

To Kageyama's surprise, Tsukishima stepped forward next to Yamaguchi, "Hey, get better soon so we can all go to uni and kick ass."

To most people, Tsukishima wouldn't have been smiling, but the very subtle upturn of his lips was the closest to a genuine, kind, not malicious smile Kageyama had ever seen from Tsukishima, "Yeah. I will. Don't worry about it."

Kageyama pushed gently through the small gathering of people to his mom, and wrapped his good arm around her shoulders, "Hey mom."

She smiled and did the same, "Ready to go home Tobio?"

Kageyama nodded into her shoulder, "Yeah."

In response, his mom let go of him and began walking, "The car's this way."

Kageyama nodded and turned back to the cluster of people gathered near Ukai's car and waved.

There was a chorus of 'goodbye's and 'get better soon's from the group, and despite how amazing it was having everybody there, Kageyama couldn't help but feel horrible that Hinata wasn't there as well.

As he climbed into the car with his mom, she began talking to him, and talking wasn't really something he wanted to do right then.

"So Ukai let us know about everything, and he said that the doctors in Tokyo said that we should go to the hospital tomorrow to get a closer look at your arm, so you'll have to miss school. Is that okay with you?"

Kageyama gave a shrug and a half-hearted response, "Yeah, I guess. I don't really care."

His mom frowned and rested a hand on his good forearm, which rested on the center console of the car, "Are you worried about volleyball? I'm sure you'll be healed in time for university and the national team, don't worry."

Again he shrugged, "Meh, kind of. I can always take the first term off if I really need to. I'm only going there for volleyball anyways."

She squeezed his arm comfortingly, "You'll be fine, you're a strong kid."

He sighed, "Yeah, I'm more worried about Shoyo though."

"I'm sure Sho-chan will be fine, he's a tough kid too."

"I guess," Kageyama said the words, but he found that he had trouble believing them. He resigned himself to leaning on his good arm on the center console as his mom began running her fingers through his hair as they drove.

By the time his mom pulled into the driveway, Kageyama's eyes were closed almost all the way, and the world beyond his blurred eyelashes blocking part of his vision was completely blurry and everything was just blobs of color. Not that there was much anymore, the sun had set quickly and it was now almost pitch black outside.

His mom nudged his shoulder as she stood up, "Come on kid, get up and get in your bed. Get out of your nasty uniform too."

Kageyama sat up groggily, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his left hand, which he then proceeded to stretch it far above his head as he yawned, "M'kay, got it…"

It took him a few moments of sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the seat to actually make himself move and get out of the car, and when he did he stumbled slightly due to his exhaustion. He reached out with his left hand and steadied himself against the car door before he started walking again to the door into the house.

He stepped up onto the stair before it and followed his mom inside, shutting the door behind him.

He went straight to the bathroom once he took his shoes off at the door. Kageyama's arm was starting to _really_ hurt and he needed some sort of medicine to get it to stop somewhat.

He reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of ibuprofen and poured some of the pills into his hand. He hadn't really paid much attention to how many he was taking, but he was sure it wouldn't kill him. If anything he was more likely to die from the pain in his arm than accidentally overdosing on painkillers. In a worst case scenario it would mess with his stomach and he'd be sick for a few days. No big deal.

When he finished with that Kageyama made his way to his room, feeling like he was growing more tired with each step he took. He wanted to just collapse into his bed, but his mom would yell at him for sleeping in his sweaty clothes, so he gently pulled off the sling that his arm was in, trying to keep his sore shoulder as still as possible without its help.

Kageyama used his left hand to pull off his jacket, taking extra care of the splint on his forearm, sliding it gently over the area. Next was the hard part, his shirt. He pulled his left arm into it, and pulled it over his head so the only thing left to do was get his right arm out of it safely.

He used his left hand to roll the sleeve up to his shoulder, and held it so it would stay rolled up, and began sliding it down his arm. He made it down to his elbow fairly easily, but sliding it over the splint was harder. The material of the shirt kept getting caught, and he would have to stop to pull it free.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he got the shirt off. Getting his shorts off was easy, and he took them off quickly and replaced them with a pair of pajama pants. He stared at his dresser drawer where all of his t-shirts were folded, dreading having to put one of them on.

Kageyama stared for a few moments more before deciding it would be easier to just go without a shirt, and turned back to his bed. He laid down, and pulled the mass of blankets sitting at the end over his bare shoulders.

Even though he had felt like he was going to fall asleep on his feet moments earlier, Kageyama suddenly couldn't fall asleep. He had too many thoughts coursing through his mind. Most of them were about Hinata, and anxiety about where he might have gone.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore, and grabbed his phone off of the nightstand. He unplugged it from the cord and quickly unlocked it, typing in the password from memory. Hinata's phone number came just as easily to him, and Kageyama chewed on the inside of his cheek anxiously as the phone rang.

However, there was no answer. So Kageyama left a message, "Hey Shoyo. I've got something really important to say, so stay after practice so we can talk please."

He ended the call and plugged his phone back in, hoping he would be able to sleep, but it took hours before that happened. He finally woke up when his mom threw open the curtains, allowing the bright light to flood the room.

He could have sworn that he had just fallen asleep, but that couldn't be, because there was light streaming in through the windows, blinding him.

"Hey kid," his mom shook his shoulder again, "You've got a doctor's appointment to go to."

Kageyama pushed himself up with his left arm and tried to rub his eye with his right, but the instant he moved it pain shot through his forearm, enough to make him curse under his breath without thinking about it, "Ow, fuck."

"Hey," his mom berated him, "Language."

"Sorry," he apologized as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up. The one thing that felt better than it had the night before was his shoulder, it was no longer sore.

His mom left his room and shut the door behind her, leaving him to get dressed. Kageyama went through the same process he had the previous night, barely moving his arm, and instead sliding his shirt over it with his other hand.

After a few more minutes and a lot more pain in his arm Kageyama had managed to put a clean shirt on, and he pushed his door open with his left hand, switching off the light with his right.

He walked into the kitchen, where his mom was pulling waffles out of the toaster.

She threw one at him like a frisbee with a grin on her face, "Freezer waffles for today, since you couldn't get your ass outta bed today."

He caught it easily, despite having to use his left hand, "Hey, how come you get to swear and I don't?"

"I'm the parent, that's why. Now come on, get in the car, we're actually gonna be late."

He followed his mom out to the garage where the car was, and got in. He was anxious to get the appointment over with so he could get to school and make sure Hinata was okay.

Kageyama was pissed off. He wouldn't be able to see if Hinata was okay for at least another day, because he had to have _surgery_ to realign the bones in his forearm. Now he was stuck in the hospital, waiting for 3:30 to roll around, so the procedure could happen and he could be out of the bland hellhole that was the hospital he had spent far too much time in the past two days.

And Hinata wouldn't answer his phone, the dumbass. Kageyama wanted to think that it had just died, or that he had forgotten it at home, but he knew that wasn't the case. He must have called half a million times.

He _needed_ to talk to Hinata, he needed to tell him what he had been planning to tell him after the match. Kageyama wondered what would have changed if he would have let Hinata come with them to the hospital, so he could tell him there. Maybe he'd be sitting next to Kageyama right now, smiling, blabbering on about stupid things like he always did in his stupid bubbly voice.

He could have also been disgusted and never wanted to talk to Kageyama again. But Kageyama was willing to take that chance, and he regretted missing it. At least he would see Hinata the next day.

Now Kageyama was even more pissed off, if that was possible. Hinata was avoiding him, or at least it seemed that way. He hadn't seen him once all day, and when he went to his classroom during lunch break to look for him, he wasn't there.

He had even forced himself to come to school that day, despite the fact that he had just had to have surgery the day before (though it wasn't major).

Now there he was, sitting alone outside during lunch, tossing a volleyball against the wall with his left hand. He figured he should at least get used to only using his left hand while playing. Not like anyone would let him actually do anything in practice.

He couldn't let himself get rusty though, that would only make the transition to the national team even harder. They had already recruited him straight from high school, so he had to make sure he could actually play.

The bell rang, but Kageyama kept tossing the ball. He didn't really care about class. He had fallen into a rhythm, it would be a shame to break it.

The ball hit the wall.

It flew back to Kageyama's hand.

He hit it back to the wall.

The ball hit the wall.

It flew back to his hand.

Over and over, the repetition was soothing. It allowed his mind to relax, and worries of Hinata were virtually nonexistent.

That is until his phone rang.

Completely abandoning the ball, he ran up to the wall where his bag sat on the ground, and dug through it for the device.

He found it, and Kageyama eagerly turned it around so he could see the screen and see who was calling. His heart dropped to the floor when he saw it was his mom calling, not Hinata.

He sighed and picked up the phone, "Hey mom."

A week had passed, and nobody had heard anything from Hinata at all. Graduation was a few days away, and Kageyama couldn't bear the thought of going through it without Hinata.

He had called literally hundreds of times, and Hinata hadn't answered. Kageyama decided he was just going to have to go over to Hinata's himself.

That was how he had ended up standing outside the door to Hinata's house, having an internal panic attack on whether or not he should actually knock. After a few moments though, his need to see Hinata eventually overpowered his rational thoughts, and he brought his right hand up to knock on the door.

Nobody answered after a few moments, and as he was debating knocking again Natsu opened the door, "Hey Kageyama-kun."

She was oddly subdued, and it made Kageyama feel uneasy. In the three years he had known Hinata's younger sister, he had never seen her quite like this. He had seen her dejected, and he had seen her full of energy, but he had never seen her calm like this. It was a somber sort of calm, like there was something looming over her head.

He gave her a small wave, his heart pounding in his chest, "Hey Natsu, can I see Shoyo?"

Her gaze quickly dropped down to Kageyama's shoes, as if she couldn't look him in the eye, "Nii-chan isn't here anymore, I'm sorry."

She closed the door after this, not even giving Kageyama a chance to answer.

The way Natsu had worded the statement terrified Kageyama. The sentence could have meant a variety of things, but one possibility pushed its way to the forefront of his mind.

Hinata might be dead.

He felt tears start dripping down his face within moments, and as he started running down Hinata's driveway he pulled his phone out of his pocket, and scrolled through his contact list, looking for someone, anyone, who he could call who might know where Hinata was. He had to still be alive, it didn't make any sense for him to be dead. Right?

It wasn't like he disappeared after the volleyball match and hadn't been seen for weeks, maybe he just moved to Tokyo early. Yea, that was it. When Kageyama went there for university, Hinata would be there, with his messy red hair that was only slightly less so since he had buzzed off most of the bottom half starting in second year, he would be wearing that ridiculous and adorable smile with newly straightened teeth since he had finally gotten the braces he'd had and hated since the middle of second year off, waving to Kageyama and asking him to move in with him so they could more easily spend more time playing volleyball.

Kageyama would see him then, and tell him how he felt, and it would all be alright. He found the contact with Sugawara's number in it, and called it, putting the phone up to his ear.

It rang once, twice, three times, and then finally Sugawara picked up in the middle of the fourth ring, "Hey Kageyama-kun, what's up?"

Kageyama wasted no time in getting straight to the point, "Have you talked to Shoyo lately? Like in the past week or so lately?"

"No, I haven't," when Suga replied his voice was slightly subdued, the worry obvious, "It's weird, he usually calls me at least twice a day because he keeps freaking out."

"Freaking out?" That worried Kageyama, "About what?"

"Ah, I've said too much, don't worry about it, it's nothing bad, I promise," Sugawara reassured Kageyama, but he was still slightly skeptical, "But anyways, why do you want to know if I've talked to Sho-chan?"

Kageyama took a deep, shaky breath, "He's been missing… I broke my arm during finals against Nekoma because he accidentally tackled me while he was jumping up for the block next to me, and he just disappeared off the face of the earth. I've called billions of times Suga-san, I don't know what to do."

"Hey, hey, take deep breaths."

Kageyama hadn't even noticed he was sobbing until Sugawara pointed it out.

"I don't think I can help you much, but I think Daichi has Kuroo's number and he can get you Kenma-san's maybe Bokuto too, Hinata's always been pretty close to them. Kenma-san can probably help you out with Lev and Inuoka's numbers too, " Sugawara's voice was calm as he offered suggestions, and Kageyama nodded, attempting to get his tears and breathing under control.

"O-okay, do you think there might be any way I could get in touch with Aone-san, from Dateko? I think Hinata knew him pretty well…" Kageyama trailed off as he began thinking.

"Hmm," Sugawara paused for a moment, "Maybe ask Ennoshita-san? He may still have Futakuchi's number from last year since you played all those practice matches with Dateko."

Kageyama nodded, "Okay, thanks Suga-san. I'm gonna go call Ennoshita-san now, bye."

Sugawara was halfway through saying goodbye when Kageyama hung up and began his contact list for Ennoshita's number.

About a week had passed, and with at least five new contacts added to his phone, Kageyama still had no leads on where the hell Hinata was.

He had talked to Kuroo, Kenma, Lev, Inuoka, Aone, Akaashi, and even Bokuto. But none of them had any clue where he was. All promised to let Kageyama know if they heard anything, but Kageyama knew it was hopeless.

He couldn't really bring himself to care about much besides volleyball anymore. Everything reminded him of Hinata, especially volleyball, but what was the point of going on if he stopped playing? If he didn't have the national team, and the Olympics, and the national tournaments, he had no reason to go on.

Even though he couldn't play with his right hand, Kageyama spent hours upon hours training his left hand to do what his right did. He even skipped out on class half the time, because honestly, he didn't care. There was no point in graduating anymore, not without Hinata.

He ended up leaving for Tokyo earlier than planned, ditching school without even graduating and buying a bus ticket in late May, taking up a part time job to afford a shitty apartment in the shitty parts of the city. Yamaguchi called often, but Kageyama rarely picked up. He would listen to the voicemail, and send a text saying he was busy or something. And that was pretty much true. When he wasn't working, he was tossing a volleyball around, either at home (though it was far from _home_ , Miyagi was home) or at one of the many public volleyball courts in the city.

He was doing just this, tossing a volleyball against the wall with his left hand when he heard a very familiar voice, one he hadn't heard in years, "Come on Iwa-chan, pleeease? It's your birthday, you've gotta have cake! Screw your diet!"

He knew it was Oikawa and Iwaizumi before the pair even entered the gym. Desperately, he tried to melt into the wall and blend in, but Oikawa noticed him quickly, "Oh hey, Tobio-chan~!"

He slowly turned around, tucking the ball under his good arm, "Hello Oikawa-san."

"I heard you were planning on joining the national team, but I thought you were waiting until September? And where's Shrimpy-chan, wasn't he gonna join with you?"

Oikawa was nosy as ever, and at the mention of the nickname Oikawa had given Hinata, Kageyama felt his chest tighten with anxiety. Longing, too, he thought so at least. It usually happened whenever he thought about Hinata.

It took a moment for him to make his voice work, "There was no reason for me to stay in Miyagi anymore, so I left. Hinata's gone, I don't know where."

Iwaizumi, who had been silent for the whole confrontation, spoke up, "Wait, what happened to Hinata?"

"Did he die?" Oikawa almost seemed like he was finishing Iwaizumi's question, and his voice was uncharacteristically soft and gentle. Even Oikawa knew someone's death was meant to be respected.

"No," both young men visibly relaxed at Kageyama's response, "But he's missing. He just dropped off the face of the earth after he broke my arm at nationals, with nothing but a goodbye note to his mom and sister on the counter."

"Oh, damn," Iwaizumi frowned, "You been doing okay?"

Kageyama shrugged, "Not really, but I'll figure it out. Would you guys mind trying to receive some of my serves? I'm trying to train my left hand a bit, but its hard without someone to retrieve the balls."

Iwaizumi nodded, "Yea, sure."

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa interjected, "You said you'd receive some of my serves today!"

Iwaizumi was already setting his bag down next to the wall and taking his jacket off, "Dumbass, take turns. It's not that hard."

Seeing them bicker like he always used to with Hinata felt like a sword being run through Kageyama's chest, and he figured it was best if he left before he broke down. He could do that at his apartment.

"Y-you guys are fine," Kageyama quickly racked his brain for an excuse, "I have to go to work, so you can practice on your own."

He actually didn't have to work for another three hours, but he could find another gym to practice in. It was a big city, there were more volleyball courts.

Kageyama had decided weeks ago he wasn't going to college. It was a waste of money at this point, there wasn't even a reason to play volleyball for the school, he was going straight to the national team anyways.

He was going to be the youngest starting player in years. Even Oikawa and Iwaizumi hadn't even joined the team yet, though they were offered in their second year of college, according to Oikawa. They said they wanted to graduate first.

He was lucky Oikawa and Iwaizumi didn't know he was planning to not go to university, because he would probably end up forced into it. He just wasn't quite sure how he was going to tell Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, since they had been planning to go to university together.

Nobody had said anything about changing those plans even though Hinata had disappeared, so Kageyama didn't bring it up.

But now school was starting in a few weeks, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were driving up from Miyagi, and he was going to have to tell them. They'd be wondering why he was living in an apartment instead of the student dorms, and nobody would pay extra for an apartment when housing was free (and nicer than Kageyama's apartment) for students of the school.

He was sitting in the cafe of a fairly quiet bookstore, where he had agreed to meet his friends (though he didn't really feel all that close to them anymore).

He was absentmindedly flipping through the pages of a book with a cup of coffee in his other hand. He had hoped that it would help him feel more awake and energized, he never got much sleep anymore, but all it ever did was increase his heartbeat and leave the constant persistent feeling of emptiness behind.

Then he heard a familiar voice from behind him, "Hey Tobio-kun!"

He turned around, and what he saw kind of surprised him. Yamaguchi had changed a lot in just a few months, and Tsukishima had as well. They had this sort of air about them that wasn't there before. Maybe they had gotten a little taller? Yamaguchi definitely had, he was now almost as tall as Tsukishima, so both were probably around six and a half feet tall, maybe a little over on Tsukishima's end.

Whatever it was, they had changed, which was more than Kageyama could say for himself. All that had changed about him was the bags under his eyes, and the splint on his arm that replaced the cast.

He set down his book and waved as he stood up, "Hey Tadashi, Kei."

Tsukishima gave him a small wave, and Kageyama returned it with a nod.

"How have you been doing Tobio-kun? You never answer any of my calls or texts," Kageyama had known that that question would have come up immediately, yet still hadn't figured out how the heck he was going to explain the situation.

"Well, I got invited to join the national team right away," Kageyama decided he'd start with the good news first.

"What really, that's amazing!" Yamaguchi yelled, a little too loudly, because they got some weird looks.

"Damn, really? Nice job." Tsukishima responded much more quietly, but Kageyama could tell he was just as excited as Yamaguchi. He was just better at keeping it under control.

"Yea," Kageyama continued, preparing himself to deliver the news, and that was when he noticed the matching rings that his friends wore. He figured that would be a good subject to switch to quickly when he told them he wasn't going to college, "I'm planning on just playing for the national team and not going to university."

Of course, Yamaguchi was shocked, "You can't just skip uni Tobio, what are you gonna do when you can't play volleyball anymore?"

"Yea, I have to agree with Tadashi here," Tsukishima pushed his glasses up his nose, since they were slipping down, "That's a really irresponsible choice."

"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, I don't plan to stop playing volleyball anytime soon," Kageyama decided that now would be the time to switch the topic, "So, what's with the rings?"

Yamaguchi quickly went red, and began twisting the ring around his finger, probably a nervous habit, "I-It's not really an engagement, since we can't actually get married—"

"It's basically an engagement," Tsukishima cut Yamaguchi's stuttering off, and Yamaguchi quickly turned even more red.

"C-come on Kei, it's embarassing!"

Kageyama did his best to force a smile, something that seemed to be becoming harder and harder these days, "I'm happy for you."

That wasn't a lie of course, he really truly was happy for them, but there was also the gut-wrenching jealousy of the established relationship that Yamaguchi and Tsukishima had always had, which was something he had longed for with Hinata since he had begun growing close to the energetic spiker.

The missing, energetic spiker.

He felt his chest tighten up at the prolonged thoughts of Hinata, and changed the subject yet again, "Do you guys need some help moving into your dorm or apartment or whatever?"

Yamaguchi nodded, "Yea, that would be nice, thanks!"

It was his first day of practice with Japan's national team, and Kageyama had finally gotten the splint on his arm off a few days. He rolled his wrist gently as he walked to the train station, something he still had to get used to being able to do.

He pulled a piece of paper out of the side pocket of his bag, which was slightly damp, due to the fact that it was in the same pocket as his water bottle, double checking the address of the gym for the millionth time. He wanted to make sure he was early, to make a good impression on the team. Since he was being recruited straight from high school, he had to work even harder to earn the respect of the older teammates.

He stood in front of the map of the subway system on the wall, scanning the map for the best way to get to the gymnasium. He had been puzzling over this map for ages, and he just couldn't figure it out.

All of a sudden he heard a voice behind him, one that was deep and that he didn't recognize.

"Where are you looking to go, kid?"

He turned around, and there was a guy standing behind him who looked like he was in his mid-twenties, with striking blue eyes and blonde hair. He was tall, and looked foreign. He also spoke with a slight accent Kageyama couldn't place.

"Um, I'm looking to go here," he handed the man the piece of paper with the gymnasium's address on it.

"Oh, you must be the rookie who coach decided to snatch straight from high school!"

The man handed him back the paper, and Kageyama looked at him with a confused expression, "Coach? Are you on the national team?"

The man nodded, "Yep! The name's Casimir, you're looking at the captain! I had trouble with the trains at first too. Just stick with me for today, and I've got your back."

He nodded, slightly intimidated now that he knew Casimir was the captain, "O-okay, thanks."

Kageyama had barely been the official starting setter on the national team for a few days, and there was already controversy going around. It made sense, he was a depressed high school dropout, why would Japan choose him to help represent their country on the volleyball team?

He just had to wait until their first match, then they'd see.

Kageyama almost would rather be worrying about midterm exams than being recognized as that one supposed prodigy setter who cared about nothing but volleyball anymore.

At the thought of midterms, his thoughts drifted to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. He hadn't talked to them in about a week, so he hadn't told either of them about being the official setter, but there was no way they didn't know about it. They went to one of the powerhouse universities that the national team hand-picked players from, so the whole volleyball team had probably been talking about Kageyama all week.

He wondered if Tsukishima and Yamaguchi bragged about being friends with him. He wondered if people doubted them, or if they believed them.

"Come on Kageyama, quit spacing out!"

Casimir's voice pulled him out of his trance, and he quickly snapped back to attention, "I'm sorry sir!"

"Hey Tobio, you ready for your first match this weekend?"

Kageyama sitting on the train with Casimir like he had begun doing every morning on the way to the gym. Over just the few months he had been doing this with Casimir he had found out a great deal about him. He was 27, and had been born in Poland, but moved to Japan for college and decided to stay. Casimir was a wing spiker, and he was also really good with kill blocks, which wasn't surprising due to his height. If Kageyama had to guess, he was almost as tall as Tsukishima, if not taller.

He nodded, "Yea, it'll be nice to put all these rumors to rest."

Casimir chuckled, "Oh man, those never go away kid, you better get used to them. Especially when you're in the spotlight."

Kageyama flashed him a weak, rare smile. He liked Casimir, he kind of reminded him of Ukai. He was down-to-earth, liked to yell and drink on Saturday nights after a big game, that kind of thing, plus he was in a position of power similar to Ukai, so that only brought the similarities closer.

But thinking of Ukai also meant thinking Karasuno which meant thinking of Hinata, so that meant more of the chest-tightening feelings of heartbreak that seemed like they would never ever go away. He wished they just would already. Kageyama finally actually had somebody who he could feel somewhat close to besides Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. He didn't want to burden them with his problems all the time.

The rumors were right about one thing, Kageyama was a complete mess.

He couldn't do anything without thinking of Hinata. Playing volleyball was the worst. Yet he continued to do it almost every hour of every day. He only ate because he'd collapse otherwise, and basically lived on coffee and no sleep.

But they were wrong that he wasn't able to play well. He was determined to become known across all of Japan, and just maybe Hinata would hear his name someday and realize that Kageyama was still playing volleyball, and he would come back.

That was honestly the only reason he still played volleyball, and maybe even still went on existing. He had to keep holding onto the hope that Hinata would come back.

Kageyama had known that there would be a lot of reporters before the match started, the older players had warned all the rookies beforehand, but he wasn't expecting there to be as many as there actually were.

He was walking near the head of the group, near Casimir. That was when a camera was shoved in his face, "Can we ask you a few questions?"

Each of the starter players were beginning to be pulled aside by various reporters, and he felt frozen in place as replied, "Y-yea, sure?"

It was surprisingly overwhelming, and Kageyama wished he could just slip away. Where was Casimir? He had been pulled away right after Kageyama, and he could hear his voice just to the left.

"How is it being the youngest starting player in decades?"

The question was thrown at him before he had a chance to react, and he knew he had to start talking quickly or risk looking stupid, so he just blurted out what came to mind, "I'm not sure, its weird having lots of people talk about me, but I like playing for the team. That's really the only reason I play."

That was a lie, he played to become famous so maybe Hinata would see he was okay and come back, but it sounded good on camera, so he just went with it.

The next question hit him like a dagger to the heart, "We heard rumors that you had been planning to join the team with one of the spikers from your high school team, what happened to him?"

Kageyama froze, and for all of his efforts he couldn't make his mouth work.

Thankfully, Casimir stepped in, grabbing Kageyama's arm, "Thank you, but we have to get going, have a nice day!"

The rest of the team was excusing themselves from the reporters, and they formed back into the tight blob of people, Casimir still holding onto Kageyama's arm, guiding him along.

"So, you've never told me," Kageyama and Casimir were riding the train back to their area of Tokyo, and Kageyama had hoped that Casimir would bring Hinata up.

"Whatever did happen to that little spiker from your high school? He was well on his way to becoming a national level player, coach was disappointed when he didn't join the team."

Kageyama sighed, and ignored the feeling of his chest constricting in on itself, "I don't know. He ran into me at the finals for nationals on a block and broke my arm, and I haven't seen him since."

"Oh, damn," Casimir didn't sound like he really pitied Kageyama, he wasn't all apologetic, "That really sucks. You two must have been really close. From what I heard you worked really well together on the court."

Kageyama nodded, and swallowed hard, "Y-yea, I loved him. I don't know if he did too though. I was planning on telling him after that match, but you know, he's kind of gone now."

When Casimir didn't respond right away, Kageyama began instantly regretting telling him. His thoughts began racing, and his hands balled into fists resting on his knees as he thought, thinking that maybe Casimir would never speak to him again, or maybe he'd go even farther and tell Kageyama that he was disgusting or—

"Huh," Casimir finally said something, and Kageyama could feel his fingernails digging into his palms, "Didn't realize you were gay. I have seriously the _worst_ gaydar. My sister told me she was gay a few years ago, and I had no idea up until then!"

Kageyama relaxed his hands and forced a half-hearted laugh, "Really? Wow."

Casimir nodded, and Kageyama could tell he was going to go on and start one of his passionate storytelling sessions, "Yea, funny story too, she thought I had known! She mentioned her fiance, wonderful woman, I love her to death, but I was like, what?"

Kageyama began tuning out, knowing that the story was going to be long and filled with off-topic tangents, just like usual.

It had been a year since Kageyama had heard from Hinata. He laid on the floor of his apartment, staring at the ceiling.

What was the point anymore?

If Hinata hadn't come back yet, he probably wasn't coming back ever at all.

Kageyama wondered if he should try killing himself.

Maybe that would make things better, and it wouldn't exactly be hard. There were knives in the kitchen.

But it might also make things so much worse.

He wouldn't be found until it was too late, and what happened if he regretted it halfway through? His phone was broken, and he wouldn't be able to call for help. Someone would find him days later, probably Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima if he was with him. Even worse, Casimir might drop by and see first and Yamaguchi and Tsukishima wouldn't even find out until the news jumped on the story, and only be able to wonder what they could have done to help.

His coach would be disgraced, he'd be ridiculed for thinking that maybe 'that one depressed prodigy setter' would be useful, when he actually just killed himself nine months into his career.

Casimir would be constantly pestered by the media, being known as one of Kageyama's only close companions, and he wouldn't be given any time to grieve on his own.

Kageyama knew Yamaguchi had had issues with suicide in the past, and who knows, if he killed himself maybe Yamaguchi would slip back into old habits. Tsukishima was no stranger to suicidal tendencies either, and the same might happen. He didn't want to risk being the cause of that.

Then there was his mom too. He was all she had. He had no siblings, and she had been a single mother since Kageyama was nine. If he were gone, she would be devastated. She still called him weekly, to make sure he was doing okay, and to assure him that if he needed to talk she was always right there.

Yea, suicide definitely wasn't the answer, he was certain of that now.

And even if he hadn't made up his mind right in that moment, he would have a few moments later, when Casimir burst into his apartment with a yell, "Hey Tobio! Make sure you have pants on 'cause I'm comin' in!"

He sat up, and grabbed a random book that had been sitting on the floor, in an attempt to look like he wasn't just laying on the floor staring at the ceiling.

"Hey Cas," he greeted the man in a flat tone, "What's with the sudden visit?"

"Well I heard from someone that you may need a little cheering up today, since it's been a year today since you've seen your spiker," Casimir sat down on the floor next to Kageyama, pocketing his phone.

"Was it Tadashi?"

Kageyama knew instantly that it was Yamaguchi who had told Casimir to come check on him. The gesture was nice, but he would have been fine on his own.

Casimir shrugged and laughed, "Damn, you got me. The kid cares about you, a lot. Cut him some slack and give him a call every so often, he worries."

Kageyama sighed and set the book down, "I know. It's just that he's really happy with Tsukishima right now and they're doing really well for themselves, I don't wanna get in the way of that."

"I don't think you will," Casimir quickly changed the subject after this, "Are you gonna go to the graduation ceremony for your school? Your team won nationals again, so chances are lots of them are gonna be coming here for college. You can give them tips and stuff."

Kageyama shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe. It'll be kind of nice to get out of the city and back out into the country. I can see my mom again too."

"That sounds like it would be nice," Casimir smiled, "What's your mom like?"

"She's pretty badass," Kageyama grinned, the first legitimate smile he had smiled in a long time, "She's almost 50, but you'd think she was 30. I'm pretty sure she's aging backwards. She's raised me on her own since I was five too, so that's a feat in itself. What's your mom like?"

Casimir's mouth grew into a wide grin, and Kageyama could tell he was gonna start rambling on again, "Oh my God she's the _best_."

It was a few days before the graduation ceremony, extremely late at night, and somehow Kageyama found himself on a train back to Miyagi. That technically wasn't the train that would take him back, since he had to switch about halfway through, but that didn't really matter.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi would be heading down the next morning, but Kageyama wanted to avoid a fuss, so in a last minute decision he decided to leave in the middle of the night. He left a note on his door if Casimir decided to drop by, packed a bag with some clothes for a few nights, and left.

He had been dozing off, his head resting against the window of the train when a crackly voice came over the loudspeaker, "We are arriving at the station now. Please prepare to exit the train in a quick and proper fashion, thank you."

He grabbed his bag from where it sat on the seat underneath him, and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The train lurched to a stop, and the few passengers that were on it, which included Kageyama, got off quickly.

Kageyama sat down on a bench and pulled his phone out, checking the time. He still had a half hour until the train that would take him all the way back to Miyagi would arrive.

As he sat there, Kageyama began second guessing himself. Maybe going back to Miyagi would be a bad idea. There were too many memories of Hinata there, he might do something stupid. He'd lose all progress that he'd made in the past year.

He quickly decided he should go get something to eat, if to do nothing than just keep his mind occupied. There was a small shitty fast food restaurant in the train station, so Kageyama figured he'd just go there and get a burger or something.

He went up to the register, ordered his food quickly, and stepped aside to wait. He was scrolling through his phone as he stood there when he heard a startled, and extremely familiar voice, "T-Tobio?"

He quickly looked up, and when he did he was staring right at the person he had thought he was never going to see again. But he was different. The bright light that had been ever-present in his eyes, was dimmed, and there were dark bags underneath his eyes. Maybe even worse than Kageyama's. The person standing before him wasn't the Hinata he had known.

"Shoyo?"

"I-I, Wh-what are you doing here?"

Hinata's voice came out as a stuttering mess, and he couldn't seem to get his mouth to work right.

"I could ask you the same thing," Kageyama managed to keep his voice relaxed, which he honestly didn't know how he was doing, "Where the hell have you been?"

"I…" Hinata trailed off, and glanced back into the kitchen before continuing, "My shift ends in like ten minutes, we can talk then. I've gotta get back into work."

Kageyama nodded, he could use some time to collect his thoughts anyways, "I, uh, yea. Sounds good."

Hinata nodded, and handed Kageyama the food he had ordered, "H-here. I'll talk to you in a few minutes."

"Yea. Thanks," Kageyama took the bag, and turned around to walk to the dining area of the cruddy restaurant. It felt wrong, turning his back on Hinata again when he had only just seen him again, but some part of him knew that Hinata wasn't going to run again. Not this time.

It would only be ten minutes, and he would at least be able to talk to somebody and collect his thoughts.

At least, he thought he would be able to, until he sat down and turned on his phone, which made him realize that it was past two in the morning and anyone he knew was probably asleep.

He decided he should at least tell Yamaguchi though, so he opened up his phone and dialed his friend's number.

The phone rang a few times, and then Yamaguchi answered, like he always did.

"Tobio it's like two am, what are you doing up?"

Yamaguchi sounded kind of tired, and Kageyama suddenly felt kind of guilty for waking Yamaguchi up. Then he remembered that Hinata was fifty feet away from him at most, and he knew he hadn't made a mistake, "Sorry Tadashi, but I figured you'd wanna hear this. Put me on speaker and wake Kei up too."

"Huh? Alright, I guess," Yamaguchi seemed confused, but he heard Yamaguchi's voice, though muffled, getting Tsukishima up, "Hey, Kei, Tobio has something important."

"Mmwhat?" Tsukishima's voice was slurred from sleep, but he was awake, "'M up, 'm up, 'm awake."

Kageyama took a deep breath, and prepared himself to say what he needed to, "I decided to leave for Miyagi earlier so I'd have a little more time to spend with my mom, and I'm at the train station somewhere between Tokyo and there. I got off my train, and since I still had a while until the other one got here, I decided to go get some food, and Hinata's fucking here."

"What the hell, really?!" Tsukishima sounded very much awake now, and Kageyama had to pull his phone away from his ear just a little bit because he was too loud.

"Where is he?" Yamaguchi's question was calmer, but the shock in his voice was very much there.

"He's still back in the kitchen," Kageyama swallowed hard, "He said his shift ends in like ten minutes."

"Have you talked to him at all?" Tsukishima's voice was calm yet again.

Kageyama nodded, "Yea, a bit. Not much at all though."

He heard Yamaguchi yawn on the other line, and he realized again that it was two in the morning, "You should talk to him, just make sure you call us back when you're done, I need to get back to sleep before I pass out right here."

Yet again, Kageyama nodded, "Alright, sounds good. I'll call you back soon."

"I'll talk to you later Tobio."

"Bye."

Kageyama heard the click as Yamaguchi hung up, and set his phone on the table.

The next seven minutes were probably the worst seven minutes of his life. He replayed what to say to Hinata in his head over and over, only becoming more nervous each time.

He hadn't seen him in a year. Should he tell him he loved him? Should he kiss him? Or should he just keep his distance?

He didn't have much more time to think it through though, because Hinata walked up to him and stood next to his table, "So, how have you been?"

His voice was uncharacteristically quiet, or then again maybe it wasn't for this new Hinata. He sounded hopeless and like he had given up.

He immediately stood up, and he wrapped his arms around Hinata. He pulled him as close to his body as possible, as if he never wanted to let go again. Which he didn't.

Kageyama felt Hinata's arms wrap gently around him in return, and he rested his hands gingerly on Kageyama's back, "I-I'm so sorry Tobio, I-I don't know what I w-was thinking, I just felt r-really bad for hurting you and p-probably ruining your c-career…"

In response to this, Kageyama shifted one hand down to Hinata's lower back to pull him even closer, if that was possible, and lifted the other to his face.

He lifted his chin off of Hinata's shoulder, and moved his face back just enough to be able to angle his face to press his lips gently to Hinata's.

This wasn't how Kageyama had pictured the first time he kissed Hinata going down at all. It was 2:27 AM, and they were in the back of a crappy fast food restaurant in a train station, and he hadn't seen Hinata in over a year.

But as Kageyama felt Hinata relaxing into his lips and holding onto Kageyama's shirt like it was his last time to be able to touch Kageyama, he knew he would rather have it go down like this than not at all.


End file.
